Jessica S. Preston

Last night I went out with a friend I met at my gym. We’d been planning a movie date for about 2-3 weeks now and finally took time to actually go. I must say that I thoroughly enjoyed myself. We were supposed to view Star Wars; a movie I know nothing about, but failed to get the tickets early & of course it was sold out. We opted to see the new movie Sisters instead. Very good movie with a story line that I’m sure many could relate to this time in day. One sister was the outgoing one with great gifts and talents, but her lifestyle and attitude was her biggest challenge. The other sister was the responsible and successful one who had her life together but always lived life with much caution. One scene the sisters was at their childhood home, in the room they shared taking turns reading their diaries. During this time, the cautious sister realized how she’d always lived life on the sideline, doing all the right things but missing out on actually living and enjoying life. Well if ...

This morning on the way to drop Jordan off at school, she was like can you turn on some music... So I was like yea, but we need to start listening to some better tunes, like gospel or something more uplifting. So she said, well put on that Happy song, and I was like good choice. I played Wanna Be Happy by Kirk Franklin all the way to work and allowed it to minister to my spirit. What a perfect song it was for me this morning after what I would call a small devotion .   What a freeing feeling I had this morning. So over the past few days I’ve gotten determined that I must make a change, like foreal. I began reading the book Attitudinize and I also chose another book from my shelf called So Long Insecurity by Beth Moore. I’ve had this book for about a year now… well I just looked at the receipt and it’s been over a year. Anywho, when I bought the book I bought it with about 4 other books. Some women buy shoes and purses, I buy food, journals and books; lots of them. So after I ...

I was just thinking about something... I've noticed that I've been settling for scraps… I want to say that it’s all because I am afraid of expecting something from someone that I may not receive. Then too it may be that I’m not sure of my worth or if I deserve what it is that I desire. Over time, I've learned to accept people for who they are, where they are, excusing what would normally be inexcusable behavior; thinking I’m not perfect so don’t expect perfection from someone else... that’s the perfect excuse right? I mean, I’m not knocking any of the things I tell myself or hear other women saying, because I know that everyone has something going on. But when it comes down to relationships I just noticed that there are some things that I've been exposed to & have become used to that I don’t require when it comes to being in a relationship. I didn't grow up in the same house as my dad, but I was always with him as a young girl well into my adult years. Ther...

For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland. Isaiah 43:19   Last night I went to bed with a few things on my mind. A few things that I knew I had to come to grips with. I desire change in my life... One thing I noticed though, was that I was praying for change but I continued to do things that went against the change I desired; anndddd I knew I was doing it... When I find myself in those situations I have to sit  and have an honest talk with the Lord, and express to Him my sincere thoughts... we all know that God is gracious and compassionate but we also know not to frustrate his Grace. I love the way He allows us time to see the error in our ways and then allows us time to correct some things before He steps in. So this cold, wet morning after peeling myself out of my bed at 4am to show up for my 5am bootcamp many issues continued to press...

Wow. Although I say that I desire a mate, I can’t imagine the difficulties a marriage must face those first few years… or maybe those first few months. I’ve often heard that the reality is much different than the expectation of something. It’s funny how we ask God to bless us with things, that we have no clue of the reality of what we are asking for. Ever been in the audience where someone introduces their spouse and proceed to spek on the 35 years they’ve   been married, then notice how the crowd produces a massive applause… Although I was part of the ones who would applaud, I never really understood the depth of why I was clapping, outside of the fact that 35 years is a VERY long time to be with one person… Although I am not married, for the past month I have grown to respect anyone who dares to enter into the institution of marriage. I see now that marriage is not for punks or for better words, the faint of heart. It’s not for those who so easily throw in the towel when ...

I was thinking about my fears and how in touch with them I am, and didn’t even notice until it was time to break out. I say that I want my child to spread her wings and do great things, but didn't know how afraid I was of letting go. I say that I want a man, but didn’t know how afraid I was of one leaving. I say that I want success, but didn’t know how afraid I was of failing. Or better yet, I want success, but didn’t know how afraid I was of losing myself and Christ in the midst of climbing to the top. I say that I want to do better in all areas in my life; family, love, relationships, character, career etc… Yet all I say is that it’s too late to change… things will always be the same… I didn’t know how afraid I was of just taking the first step to change… then continuing on. The question that remains, is what am I really afraid of? If I want all these great things, what is stopping me from getting to those great places? I have the tendency to blame things on oth...

I wrote this one evening, mid October...   Last night I had to finally say goodbye to you... Although it's been over a decade since you stepped into my life, making such a fine print on my heart, I've held you in a place where long ago you walked away from. Leaving me wondering, wanting to know why didn't you choose me?   What happened to the smile on your face when you saw me? What happened to the butterflies we felt when we simply thought of one another? Last night, I had to come to the conclusion that we will never be again, & I must be ok with that. No matter how much I see or hope in you. No matter how much potential I see that we have as a believing couple together, I can't make you look at me the way you once did. I had to say to myself that I must be ok that you were allowed to leave & there was nothing I could do about it.   For so long, I allowed the door of my heart to stay open, never closing the door just in case you came back to fin...

Dear you, (Sigh) So, I’m sitting at my desk, with my earbuds in listening to Almost by Tamia. I heard this song yesterday, and although I’d heard this song plenty of times before I finally paid attention to the lyrics. Her lyrics spoke what I’ve been feeling and thinking about you for some time now. I often ask myself, how is it that I feel so connected to you or think of you so much when I’d just met you not long ago. It’s like I knew you somewhere in another time but didn’t know it was you. When I saw you the maybe, 2 nd or 3 rd time, I wanted to see you again and again. I found myself anticipating the next time I’d see you. Seeing that beautiful smile and those big brown eyes, makes me smile even now. I remember one day I walked up behind you while you were sitting and noticed you’d let your hair grow out. Those little soft curls laying on your head were so cute to me. It was tempting not to run my hands through them, to feel their softness, then to watch your reaction… ...

Although I am writing about myself, I want for my readers to see themselves or someone in a similar situation. Not feel sorry for yourself or them, but to gain some clarity. This make take a moment to read, so kick back and get comfortable for a moment. Right now I'm listening to Un-Break My Heart by Toni Braxton & have the nerve to have it on repeat. I actually really love old 90's hits. That's when real music was in. It’s around 5p so I’m writing in between stops in traffic. For probably the last few years I've been beating myself up over this simple yet burdensome stumbling block. Somewhere, sometime ago I lost confidence in myself. I couldn't understand it because although I knew people had an opinion about me, truthfully I didn't care. Like, literally someone could say something out of line to me & I wouldn't notice, because my mind more than likely was on something else anyhow. Somewhere along the way I began to care & I will say that...

So, I'm sitting listening to a Youtube video on Confidence and the words below just came pouring out. I have a gift of Encouragement. I know this because this is the thing that I try to give others. Also, this is the thing that I desire most of others. So I go above and beyond to encourage the next person, no matter who they are. I just want them to feel better, because I know what it feels like to not feel like you have the ability live up to your potential. I want you to know that you can anything that you put your mind to do. There is nothing that can stop you from being you, not even you. The only thing that is standing in your way, is one: your view of yourself, and two: that belief of the word that has been spoken over your life. This is not a word that you might be able to hear verbally, but it may be a word that comes as a desire deep within you, that you are unable to shake. No matter, where you try to go. No matter how hard you try to kill the thought. No matter...

It's funny how when we're broken, we continuously choose things out of our brokenness. We choose things that feed our broken state not even recognizing it. We look around & everything appeals to that appetite... I guess that's why we find ourselves in the same situations over & over. It's not that we NEED that thing or person, whatever it may be, but in order for me continue to nurse this place of brokenness, I must feed it. We know that something is not right, & we make an attempt to break things off... But just like that grown baby who doesn't get its way throws a tantrum, our brokenness does the same thing; saying feed me, feed me! Brokenness can come in many disguises. I'm calling to the place of wholeness within me. Father I'm asking for an increasing appetite for a new diet that feeds & brings nourishment to that place of wholeness within me. I want to feed that place & starve the other! I know that it is your delight tha...

It’s 1:43am at the moment. I just made it home from watching Southpaw… If you’ve seen the movie, I’m sure you saw it as inspiring in many ways. A friend of mine informed me that I should take some tissue when I go… I should have taken her advice. They held no punches. I love it when I watch a movie that speaks to a place in me that has the ability to produce tears. That’s when you know that you have chosen great actors to play the role. The audience have the ability to feel the actors emotions with ease. I’ll never know what it took for Billy to play that role. What mindset he had to enter to embody the personality he was asked to play! Each actor played their roles very well I may add! There was a point in the movie where, Billy chose to blame others for an episode that took place in his life. Given his upbringing, there were only a few he found trustworthy. He learned to survive with the few pieces he had and the very thing he struggled with, he made it...

I received a text earlier with the following scripture: Romans 5:3-5; not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame (disappoint) , because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. I read the text and went about my day... When I went back to read this I thought our hope comes from something that we have seen in our spirit. A glimpse of our future. This is the reason why we hope in it and get excited about it. Something about what we saw, we connected with and believed it was possible. It’s the delay of the manifestation of what we saw in our spirits that causes us to grow weary. What we saw, we saw it so clearly, but what we didn’t see were the things that were going to be in the middle. We didn’t see the growing that we would have to endure or the things we would have to experie...

Earlier today, as I was coming back from my lunch break, I believe I received a Word... Whatever breakthrough is coming, is going to be real; real big! I just thought to myself that I can't see anything else that could come out of this! Lately I’ve been in a place that has caused much discouragement and it tells me that this is how it will be... At this moment though something happened... You know how it is when you snap, or when you come to yourself and you get real still… it’s something that happens all of a sudden, and if not paying attention, you wouldn't notice it... but you stop and realize, something else is taking place! It’s not what’s happening, such as your spouse, boss, or kids acting up, finances being out of whack, emotions out of whack, people leaving or coming… it’s not what’s seen but it’s something taking place on another level that we cannot see. Things are being shaken, tossed and turned, and just moved all around. I am re...