It’s 1:43am at the moment. I just made it home from watching
Southpaw… If you’ve seen the movie, I’m sure you saw it as inspiring in many
ways. A friend of mine informed me that I should take some tissue when I go… I
should have taken her advice. They held no punches.
I love it when I watch a movie that speaks to a place in me
that has the ability to produce tears. That’s when you know that you have
chosen great actors to play the role. The audience have the ability to feel the actors
emotions with ease. I’ll never know what it took for Billy to play that role.
What mindset he had to enter to embody the personality he was asked to play! Each
actor played their roles very well I may add!
There was a point in the movie where, Billy chose to blame others for an episode that took place in his life. Given his upbringing, there were only a few he found trustworthy. He learned to survive with the few pieces he had and the very thing he struggled with, he made it work for him. Then there was a point where the only person he knew he could lean on, was taken from him within a matter of seconds; due to one decision. At this time he wanted to point a finger, but it wasn't enough.
Later in the movie Billy met a trainer who challenged him... at this point, Billy was faced with a question that changed the rest of his outlook on life. Billy’s new trainer, Tate asked
him what happened. Billy came off to tell his side of the story and I love what
Tate came back to ask him… What did you do? This small phrase was so profound, because sometimes all a person needs is someone to ask "that" question... This was a phrase, that just two weeks ago, I found myself asking someone, and shortly afterwards, I heard it mentioned that Sunday during a sermon…
Recently, a friend of mine, let me know he was unable to see
his child… “His moma act like she don’t want him to have a daddy” were his
words. I listened intently, and although I felt sympathy for him, my only honest response
was “what did you do to her”? I know there are triffling women out there, but I knew him and that he can't be aware of the affect he has on women... His words following, spoke as if he couldn’t believe
I’d asked him that… Just like Tate asking Billy, “what did you do”, I too asked
him the same question. I asked him the question not expecting an answer,
instead I wanted him to hear himself. I wanted him to ask himself the question.
I wanted to provoke him to take another look at the issue. Sometimes in order
to get what we want, we must push blame, our pride and ego to the side, and come to a
point of humility and know, it’s not just their fault, I played a part too.
I see so many people, including myself who walk around, blaming
others for their mistakes and have the nerve to keep playing that same sad
record over and over… as if they aren’t taking part in it themselves. I don’t
know why, but it’s so much easier to blame outside forces. Things that got in
our way for things that aren’t going right in our lives, than to look at
ourselves, and ask, “what part did I play”? What Billy or my friend didn't realize, is that there was a reason why we could ask them "what did you do?"... We could ask them that because we too have been in their shoes or are still in their shoes and have seen the effects of not taking responsibility for our own actions!
Was it my anger that landed me in this cell, for the 5th
time? I had an unstable childhood… I didn’t know whether I was coming or going
most times… my daddy wasn’t there to help… my moma was barely around… she chose
everyone but me and left me to fend for myself… hell I have a right to be mad…
if somebody get in my way, I’ll just have to show them too… Was it my
insecurities that landed me in this toxic relationship, for the 3rd
time around? I never saw any real relationships growing up…. All I know is that
I had to find a man that would be able to take care of me and my kids. Nobody
should have to live life alone and unhappy… I’m going to take my happiness at
any cost… that’s what I saw my moma do growing up, so that’s what I’m trying to
do now… so what if it hurts me sometimes…
There are many factors that play in our jacked-upness… It’s set
up like that, even before we are born… There are things already in place that
is placed there to make sure we fail… to make sure we have a tough time making
it… to make sure that, that mountain we are supposed to speak to and tell it to
move, is so big, that it’s all that we see. Unable to see the purpose in the pain.
Unable to see the help on the other side. Unable to see that we are so much
greater and stronger than we give ourselves credit for. Instead, we focus on
who and what hurt us, and where and how it happened without taking regard to
who and what we have become, and where we are going and how we are getting
there.
There comes a point where we have to take a step back, and
take another look at ourselves and our situation and assume responsibility. We
must take our eyes off the other person who took part in who we’ve become, that
part that we dislike so much, or that causes us such pain and ask ourselves, “what
did I do or better yet, what am I doing right now”?
Do I believe this is some magic potion that will cause us to
change in an instant or overnight? Heck naw! I’m not selling that idea either…
I know that the issues we carry are deep and not easily overcome… But it is
possible that we have the ability to overcome them… The crazy thing is though,
is that in the process of overcoming is where we grow new roots in another
place; in a more secure place. In that tough, hurting place, we find out that
there is a strength we have inside of us that we never knew was there… That’s
that God given strength He equipped us with.
If we were never broken, we probably would have never found
out how strong we were. I hear Bishop say often “You’ll win if you don’t quit”.
It’s true too. I will win if I don’t quit… I just have to learn how to stop
quitting and keep going even when it gets hard. Things are not going to be easy
all the time, nor are they going to be hard all the time, but there will be something
that we are overcoming at each point in our lives. The start to overcoming
anything, is to first be honest with yourself and saying, there is something that
I am doing, that’s either working or not working… what can I do to make it
better?
When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you, and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over
you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will
not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your
savior. Isaiah 43:2-3
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