Jessica S. Preston

Trading it all means letting go of the story I've rehearsed, letting go of past experiences that I've held onto for so long. Trading it all means me trying "one" more time after I said I wouldn't. Opening my heart to receive your love allowing myself to become vulnerable, tearing down the walls with hopes I don't have to replace them. Allowing you to take the lead as priest over me & our family, trusting your ability to lead. I've done it so far on my own, so of course it's scary to let you in & trade what I'm comfortable with for something I must become temporarily uncomfortable with. My request is that if I trade it all to take a chance on your love that you too trade it all to take a chance on my love.

“What did you do with all your books?” “I left everything in there. I didn’t want to bring anything from there, here.”   This was a question I asked a friend who was recently released from prison. Funny this piece of our conversation came to mind this morning. You’re getting ready to move from one place to another yet you look at your current space you’ve been residing for so long. You’ve collected so much stuff over the years. Stuff that at one point you needed and held onto so desperately and dared anyone take it from you. Some that fed you. Some that depleted you. Some that distracted you. Some that strengthened you. Some things you look at and ask why or where did this come from. Letters, notes, pictures, little nick knacks are everywhere. All this stuff surrounding a current space you’re about to leave for good. What are you going to do with the collection? Do you take it with you or do you leave it all there? Opening your bag, setting it on the bed you laid your head...

With a little over a week into the last month of the year, I can't help but reflect on this past year. My goodness, what a year it has been. I can remember leaving the year 2015 learning that I was up for consideration of entering into a new position at my job. This spoke well, especially since I'd just started in March of 2015. I was elated a tad bit scared yet I was confident that if God presented me to this position then I was well equipped to perform. Little did I know what was to come in the days, weeks and months ahead. Entering into 2016 I learned that gifts are not free. They come with some type of opposition, great or small. I witness many who shout over a prophetic word or some place they desire to reside or some position they desire to attain and yes, they are well qualified but fail to see the sharks in the water or the vultures roaming just above their heads searching for fresh blood & most of all, those silent issues that ...

We almost had a chance to see & experience our 1st Madam President. Yesterday, seeing the women in their nicely tailored pantsuits did something to me... I thought, why would any young girl aspire to be a "bad bitch" having their possessions the only thing to show vs. having nice things, being educated and making a difference. Now Hillary Clinton was that bad B... Yet, the results are in.. I don’t know about you, but this morning I woke up with so many emotions. I literally held my tears as my daughter and I dressed for the day. I didn’t realize I was holding tears until driving off from her school, making my way to work and the tears began to flow. Trying to stop them, they wouldn’t. I continued to hear train my hands to war. Stir up the gifts within me. Create in me a clean heart. For such a time as this. Seeing a woman having the possibility of becoming President of the United States speaks volumes. I remember watching Birth of a Nation a few weeks ago and the ending...

A part of you desires to stay the same because it's familiar. Yet the frustration has been the only thing consistent in your life for a while. My friend, it's not easy to kick against the pricks. When destiny is calling you higher everything in you is ready, prepared, in motion to move forward... just as a woman going into labor. Once it begins, her body is already positioned to push that baby outside of her. No matter how hard she may try, she can't keep it inside of her. Life is the same. When destiny calls, everything is in position to propel you forward but constant resistance will cause you more harm than anything. So, I’m writing today to say, it's OK to move forward. Move forward into that unfamiliar territory. To that place where no one looks like you or where you’ve come from for that matter. That's the only way you are going to grow into the woman or man you are called to be. You can’t pour new wine into old wine skin. There is so much waiting for an on y...

Thank you for reading. My prayer is that it touched you as it touched me! Please feel free to share this post or share an inspiring word! Remember you are the only you there is, so be good to YOU!

We've all found ourselves searching at some point in life... but what is it we're actually searching for? It may not be that I actually have a real desire to marry. It could be that the real question I'm desiring to be fulfilled is, do I matter? How much could be saved if I actually addressed the real question? That question... does anyone want me? Maybe this job will fill this void... maybe setting a goal to climb to the top of the ladder &&& finally, once I do it the void will be filled. Maybe if I go to school, make passing grades, hopefully all A's, maintaining one of the highest GPA's just possibly this will fill the void... this emptiness inside of me speaks so loud. Let me move to a new place & just start all over... yea, that'll do it. Man, I was on a high for a great while, but why am I feeling empty again. Let me go out to eat... again. Good food always cheer me up... I know it... I need to do something else... what else can I do... ...

Dear Secret Keeper, I am coming to you probably like I’ve never come to you before. I would like a new chance to start again. If not to start again, I would like to move forward from where I am now. For so long I’ve had my focus on so many things I felt I wanted… some for my benefit and some just because. Either way, I know that I’m not where I want to be in life. I’ve made many strides but none that speaks to the heart of who I am. Then again, you’ve blessed me so well, I’ve missed you in the opportunities presented, leaving me constantly grasping for more to make the most of the “next” opportunity. You have blessed me so well over the years, but I’ve overlooked them seeking more, trying to fill a void that I created because of my lack of this or that. All the while in my ungratefulness you continued to bless me. You continued to fill my cup to overflowing. Even now, my cup looks empty yet it’s still overflowing… or is it just stopped up at the moment? This is what I mean by I ...

Tell Your Heart to Beat Again by Danny Gokey Father, I’ve been in a mode of survival for a while now and it’s been taking place way before I stepped out to move on my own. It goes deeper than me just surviving monthly bills and having a job, maintaining a consistent schedule. I’ve been surviving life, getting by the best way that I know how. Protecting myself from pain, rejection, loneliness, from myself, only later to protect Jordan from myself. Not knowing that I was taking myself away from everything, leaving me to only thrive off of my own milk… receiving nutrients of darkness. One day I began to see myself as a monster. I began to look at myself in such a dark light, I’ve made an attempt to shun myself from any light, feeling I was unworthy. Father well the truth is, I am unworthy yet you still tell me that you have come so that we may have life and have it all the more. You have given us greatness on earth and an even greater life with you in He...

I'm reminded of a dream a friend shared with me back in December...   One day I was scrolling through IG and saw a pic of a beautiful wedding cake that reminded me of a dream I had the night before. In the dream was actually a small glimpse of me in a wedding dress. So, thinking nothing much of it, I reposted the photo captioning it “I had a dream I was in a wedding dress last night. Not sure who the guy was crazy enough to marry me but this cake is beautiful."   So, later that evening, I received a text saying, I need to talk to you, I'll call you in a few. So like a little kid I’m like ok, anxiously awaiting to hear what she had to say. Well a week went by and I texted her saying what did you need to talk about? She responded, I'll call you later this week.  Finally she called. She went on to explain that she’d had a dream about me & a special someone, preparing for our special day. I call...

I saw a post yesterday that read, I used to be the person who walked in the room & wondered if anyone liked me, now I walk in wondering if I like anyone... Well the 1st part of that was true, the second part was true to an extent. I wondered if you liked me, then let that determine whether I liked you. When in reality I did like you, but couldn't understand why I couldn't fit in with you. Why didn't you treat me like you treated the rest? Why did I have to feel like the outcast or the oddball out. It wasn't until later, I realized that I was never created to fit in. Yea, we hear people say this alot... but to actually understand the depth of this saying is truly the beginning of understanding the beauty of who you are. As children, we long to be loved by our parents, relatives and close friends. Once that connection is established (or not) then as we grow, we seek an extended love… school friends, boyfriends or girlfriends. Then as we continue to mature into ad...

This morning as I was undressing to get into the shower after a great workout, I tossed aside the shirt I was wearing, noticing the wording but not wanting to look at the wording. The words on the shirt represented something that had started in my heart back in 2012 that I hadn't touched since the summer of 2014. Just as quickly as I tossed the shirt aside, the knowing was there for me to deal with it. I'm thinking to myself, I can't afford to take my mind there right now. I just got from boot camp, let me just enjoy the positive energy for now. As soon as I stepped into the shower, I began to pour my heart out. God this is the truth. As much as I wanted to speak as if I was telling my truth to another human being & cover up, I couldn't. The words hurt as I spoke them, buy I had to continue. I ended by saying I just don't know what to do about it, because it hurt me... It’s funny how God responds. I stayed up late last night baking for teacher’s appre...

Today I decided I wanted something more, so I'm breaking up with you.  Now, I can honestly say that I am a Ride or Die chic. I didn't realize it until now... I realized that I've rode with you thru thick & thin, to the point I was willing to die for the risk of losing you. You were my comfort when no one else was there. You were the one I ran to because your arms were always open, welcoming me. You bottled each tear that ever fell from my face, every word spoken out of disbelief or frustration. You cradled me tight... at night... on those lonely nights I climbed in your arms while you made love to me oh so sweetly. Speaking all the right words I needed to hear to rock me gently to sleep.  Gently to sleep you rocked me. With each  gently stroke of your beautiful words, I drifted deeper to sleep until I no longer desired anything more than your sweet touch & your beautiful, soft words kissing me in all the right places... i craved your touch & your voice......

I thought this would be easier to get through. Unfortunately it’s not as easy as I thought. This weekend I said aloud that I’d give myself the entire weekend to get over it and not to visit the thoughts again. Here we are, Monday afternoon and the mere thought has me at the brim of my lowest… I have to ask myself, was there a time that you told me to let go and I didn’t? I can say that I tried… Honestly I did try. I made myself believe that we could just be friends and keep it at that, yet I knew underlying there was always something there. Something that both of us were afraid to act on… so we sought out hardest to look for the slightest of clues to move forward... Is this something or what did that mean? This was the question that nipped at our heels unbeknownst to each other. So we waited. I waited. I said I was moving forward, but still I waited for him to look at me and tell me, “Jessica, I want to try again”. I would’ve dropped everything in my hand just to take his hand. I...

(sigh) where do I begin… It was a shocker to see you with her. Finally, the moment I feared most came… I knew one day it would come, but I didn’t know when or how. After the initial shock, I had a conversation that shined a light so bright that I couldn’t help but to smile. Strangely, something that just minutes ago had my heart racing now brought a sense of relief. I said why am I happy? I knew then that it was complete… it was over. I can’t remember the day we met. I can’t remember the day the idea of an "us" began. What I do remember is somewhere along the way, I felt something I’d never experienced before. We never kissed, I can't remember us holding hands, we’ve laid in the samw bed and slept together, but never had a sexual encounter… but you gave me more that what any stroke or physical touch of any kind could give me. You made love to my mind over and over and over again. That experience captivated me in a way that I now hold others to a higher standard becaus...

Dear You, Although I didn't know you, the first time I saw you, I knew there was something unique about you. Something seriously special. Not only the first time, but several times afterwards. When it was brought to my attention you could possibly be a potential partner for me, I laughed & without a word walked away.  Then there goes my first encounter with you. I still remember the joy I felt... No butterflies, no strong heart flutters, but a simple giggly feeling internally. It was a feeling I was familiar with but one I hadn't felt in such a long time. After the first full day of conversation, I knew it was something I wanted more of. Again I thought, there is something special about you. As time went on... boy as time went on... lord I'm laughing now as I think about as time went on... If one didn't know it, they would probably think we were some old married couple who had this weird connection but could NOT stand each other... My god. I began to think, ...

Have you ever found yourself holding onto something that was no longer there... only you never realized it until now? This is me right now, and this letter was written in my personal journal and spoken aloud from my mouth. I am sharing this to others who may be experiencing something somewhat the same. Just simply replace my words and thoughts as your own. I love you and be blessed. Ever since Jordan was born or back up, was learned of to be expected, I placed my value in your hands. Depending upon whether or not you accepted & chose me or not. I wanted so long for you to choose me & eventually your daughter. To have & to hold & to cherish in that special place in your heart. Over & over you didn't choose me nor her. I placed my value as a woman & as a mother in your hands & even as a possible mate in your hands unknowingly. I thought that if only this or that, he would choose us. 12 years in the game, that day never came. The ties I have with yo...

Girl, what have you been up to? It's been too long... If you don't stop. It's been like two days... (laugh out loud) I know. It just seems like forever. Girl you are a mess! What's going on though. You got me out in this rain, and it's cold. We could've met at your house or something. Girl, you know I try to get out of the house as much as I can. Plus I wanted to sport my new necklace and jacket... why not now?? I did notice it mam. I was about to ask to borrow it, but since it's new... I'll let you make... for today anyhow. I will say though, that I love me some Olive Garden and I'm glad you got me out for a bit! Well... about that... girl to be honest, there's another reason I wanted to see you... Oh Lord... what happened now? Is everything ok? (Slides over phone) (Sigh) Correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't ya'll supposed to have a thing going on... I mean I know you mention him every once in a while, but by the looks of thin...

I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, 3 but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. Romans 12:1-2   Soooo! What a great way to turn a somewhat dreary morning around. When my alarm clock went off at 4:10am to get up for boot camp I hit the snooze button; not once but twice. The second time, alarms in me went off, knowing that if I didn’t get up I would either have to rush, I would be late, or the worst, I wasn’t going… It’s the first of January and I can’t already not show up. I already missed Monday just to get my hair done!!! After actually pulling back the covers, sitting on the side of the bed twice, I finally jumped up, deciding I was going and proceeded to put my workout clothes on, until I looked at the cl...