Dear Secret Keeper...

Dear Secret Keeper,

I am coming to you probably like I’ve never come to you before. I would like a new chance to start again. If not to start again, I would like to move forward from where I am now. For so long I’ve had my focus on so many things I felt I wanted… some for my benefit and some just because. Either way, I know that I’m not where I want to be in life. I’ve made many strides but none that speaks to the heart of who I am. Then again, you’ve blessed me so well, I’ve missed you in the opportunities presented, leaving me constantly grasping for more to make the most of the “next” opportunity. You have blessed me so well over the years, but I’ve overlooked them seeking more, trying to fill a void that I created because of my lack of this or that. All the while in my ungratefulness you continued to bless me. You continued to fill my cup to overflowing. Even now, my cup looks empty yet it’s still overflowing… or is it just stopped up at the moment? This is what I mean by I would like a new chance to start again in this moment, in this mindset, under this anointing.. I regret not seeing you in the circumstances. I regret the things you’ve blessed me with. Father, I’m not saying that if you send it back, I’ll do 100% better, what I am saying is that I need another chance to move forward. Open my heart again. I want to take the time necessary to heal. I know that I desire a man in my life but Lord, I have no idea how to treat the man I’m desiring. I’m used to him doing all the giving and me judging whether it’s good enough or not. Lord create in me a clean heart and renew in me a right spirit. I’ve been desiring to change things around me, when all the while, things have been changing me. I thought you were hurting me. I thought you were neglecting me. Not so, you were perfecting me.

Thank you for reading. My prayer is that it touched you as it touched me! Please feel free to share this post or share an inspiring word! Remember you are the only you there is, so be good to YOU!

Comments

Unbreak My Heart

Although I am writing about myself, I want for my readers to see themselves or someone in a similar situation. Not feel sorry for yourself or them, but to gain some clarity. This make take a moment to read, so kick back and get comfortable for a moment. Right now I'm listening to Un-Break My Heart by Toni Braxton & have the nerve to have it on repeat. I actually really love old 90's hits. That's when real music was in. It’s around 5p so I’m writing in between stops in traffic. For probably the last few years I've been beating myself up over this simple yet burdensome stumbling block. Somewhere, sometime ago I lost confidence in myself. I couldn't understand it because although I knew people had an opinion about me, truthfully I didn't care. Like, literally someone could say something out of line to me & I wouldn't notice, because my mind more than likely was on something else anyhow. Somewhere along the way I began to care & I will say that...

Last Night...

I wrote this one evening, mid October... Last night I had to finally say goodbye to you... Although it's been over a decade since you stepped into my life, making such a fine print on my heart, I've held you in a place where long ago you walked away from. Leaving me wondering, wanting to know why didn't you choose me? What happened to the smile on your face when you saw me? What happened to the butterflies we felt when we simply thought of one another? Last night, I had to come to the conclusion that we will never be again, & I must be ok with that. No matter how much I see or hope in you. No matter how much potential I see that we have as a believing couple together, I can't make you look at me the way you once did. I had to say to myself that I must be ok that you were allowed to leave & there was nothing I could do about it. For so long, I allowed the door of my heart to stay open, never closing the door just in case you came back to fin...

Leave It...

“What did you do with all your books?” “I left everything in there. I didn’t want to bring anything from there, here.” This was a question I asked a friend who was recently released from prison. Funny this piece of our conversation came to mind this morning. You’re getting ready to move from one place to another yet you look at your current space you’ve been residing for so long. You’ve collected so much stuff over the years. Stuff that at one point you needed and held onto so desperately and dared anyone take it from you. Some that fed you. Some that depleted you. Some that distracted you. Some that strengthened you. Some things you look at and ask why or where did this come from. Letters, notes, pictures, little nick knacks are everywhere. All this stuff surrounding a current space you’re about to leave for good. What are you going to do with the collection? Do you take it with you or do you leave it all there? Opening your bag, setting it on the bed you laid your head...

Jessica S. Preston

Search This Blog