Skip to main content

The Breakup...

Today I decided I wanted something more, so I'm breaking up with you. 
Now, I can honestly say that I am a Ride or Die chic. I didn't realize it until now... I realized that I've rode with you thru thick & thin, to the point I was willing to die for the risk of losing you. You were my comfort when no one else was there. You were the one I ran to because your arms were always open, welcoming me. You bottled each tear that ever fell from my face, every word spoken out of disbelief or frustration. You cradled me tight... at night... on those lonely nights I climbed in your arms while you made love to me oh so sweetly. Speaking all the right words I needed to hear to rock me gently to sleep. 
Gently to sleep you rocked me. With each  gently stroke of your beautiful words, I drifted deeper to sleep until I no longer desired anything more than your sweet touch & your beautiful, soft words kissing me in all the right places... i craved your touch & your voice... All until one day i heard something that made me open my eyes & suddenly I realized I was in bed all by myself... naked & afraid... alone & bewildered... searching but I couldn't find anyone & you... where did you go? After all those intimate nights we shared... surely you out of all people should be here because i just knew you cared... where are you? I need you. I'm scared...
I hear a voice but it doesn't sound like you... actually I hear many voices. Some telling me to go back to sleep. Some telling me this is how it's supposed to be. Then another saying I desire more of you. I need you to wake up. You have to get up before it's too late... Who is this talking? To be honest, I really am tired. I'm not sure how long I've been asleep, but I'm still so tired. Maybe I should follow my first mind & lay back down. It's dark & cozy in here anyways. I don't know anything else. What's this voice I keep hearing... telling me there's more than what I can see right now... you just gotta get up. It's telling me to follow him... but follow him where? Get up & go where? It's dark & I can't see. I don't have on any clothes, I can't find my shoes & my hair is a mess & to be honest i could really use a bath. What's that smell? It stinks. 
What does he see looking at me? He's still telling me to get up & follow him. My bed feels really good right now but he sounds so sure & there seems to be an urgency in his voice... i guess i could get out for a little bit... even though I don't know where we're going. But what's crazy is the more I look at where I am the more convincing he becomes. I sense hope, light, even water... I didn't know how thirsty I was... I think I'll get up & get out of here. 
I see you now... where have you been? I was looking for you... since you were so quiet I listened to him... you don't want me to leave? I need you to let go of my hand... why do you look so desperate & so angry? We did have a good time & what a long time it was...
 I mean, I'm not sure that I want to go, but I know that I'd like to see something different, especially since it's so dark in here. Dont you smell that water? I am so thirsty... oh, you cant have any? I'm sorry... but he says he has more he desires of me... of all the time we've spent together, I don't ever remember it feeling like this... then too, until he said something I didn't know there was anything desirable about me...  I want to see what he's talking about... I gotta go & don't wait up for me.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Unbreak My Heart

Although I am writing about myself, I want for my readers to see themselves or someone in a similar situation. Not feel sorry for yourself or them, but to gain some clarity. This make take a moment to read, so kick back and get comfortable for a moment. Right now I'm listening to Un-Break My Heart by Toni Braxton & have the nerve to have it on repeat. I actually really love old 90's hits. That's when real music was in. It’s around 5p so I’m writing in between stops in traffic. For probably the last few years I've been beating myself up over this simple yet burdensome stumbling block. Somewhere, sometime ago I lost confidence in myself. I couldn't understand it because although I knew people had an opinion about me, truthfully I didn't care. Like, literally someone could say something out of line to me & I wouldn't notice, because my mind more than likely was on something else anyhow. Somewhere along the way I began to care & I will say that...
6 comments
Read more

Last Night...

I wrote this one evening, mid October...   Last night I had to finally say goodbye to you... Although it's been over a decade since you stepped into my life, making such a fine print on my heart, I've held you in a place where long ago you walked away from. Leaving me wondering, wanting to know why didn't you choose me?   What happened to the smile on your face when you saw me? What happened to the butterflies we felt when we simply thought of one another? Last night, I had to come to the conclusion that we will never be again, & I must be ok with that. No matter how much I see or hope in you. No matter how much potential I see that we have as a believing couple together, I can't make you look at me the way you once did. I had to say to myself that I must be ok that you were allowed to leave & there was nothing I could do about it.   For so long, I allowed the door of my heart to stay open, never closing the door just in case you came back to fin...
5 comments
Read more

Leave It...

“What did you do with all your books?” “I left everything in there. I didn’t want to bring anything from there, here.”   This was a question I asked a friend who was recently released from prison. Funny this piece of our conversation came to mind this morning. You’re getting ready to move from one place to another yet you look at your current space you’ve been residing for so long. You’ve collected so much stuff over the years. Stuff that at one point you needed and held onto so desperately and dared anyone take it from you. Some that fed you. Some that depleted you. Some that distracted you. Some that strengthened you. Some things you look at and ask why or where did this come from. Letters, notes, pictures, little nick knacks are everywhere. All this stuff surrounding a current space you’re about to leave for good. What are you going to do with the collection? Do you take it with you or do you leave it all there? Opening your bag, setting it on the bed you laid your head...
6 comments
Read more