Jessica S. Preston

I don’t know what it is to love a black man, any man for that matter… That is, outside of the love I’m familiar with for my father, brothers, uncles and my nephew… Other than that, I’m pretty unsure what it is to truly love and accept a man. For so long, I’ve desired to know this love; to finally experience this love with one of the opposite sex. Not just experience it, but to be completely embraced in it. I’ve often ran away and ran away from this type of love and affection because although I desire it to the utmost, I still have no training or the slightest clue on what a woman is and what her position is in the home for herself, her husband and her children. So far, I’ve been winging it… you know, life. No direction and the only cause has been for me to make sure bills are paid and placing one foot in front of the other, attempting to figure this thing out… Recently, I lost my job; my main source of income. Had this have happened just months or even one year ago, I woul...

My 2017 Semester at TWU I studied many speeches by women from the 1800's. For our last class, we were given the opportunity to give a presentation best fitting our style. I chose to give a speech based off of Sojourner Truth speech given in 1851. https://youtu.be/yq3AYiRT4no Ain't I A Woman? As I look around now in 2017, I cant help but to shake my head… dang, aint I a woman? Aint I still your sister. Long ago, we started this fight together and what a mighty distance we’ve come… we still aint made it though. Aint we still fightin? Together… We knew that if anything were to change, we would have to make this stand together. When I walk into a room full of white men and women, some Indian and Asian, young and old, I see a few who look like me, in color that is… yet when I smile to gather some type of acknowledgement or make a connection that I’m not the only woman of color in the room, I’m greeted with a cold nod that simply says, find your own way. Knowing that familiar g...

I'm not one to give any type of advice, but I read something earlier that really touched my heart. So of course I had to write. It only takes me one time to get bit and I’m done… there are some instances where I may get near that thing again, but I’m very cautious if I do… I don’t date. Period. It’s too much work for me and I don’t have that much energy to give to another person or a relationship, especially when there is so much going on. I recently gave someone a chance… I never could commit to it, yet I had a strong desire to do so. So much went on in me about the other person and even about myself… basically, it wasn’t time to be in a relationship… especially if you can’t trust yourself or are leery of the other person. Anywho, in this short span of time, I learned something from this though. I learned that even though things seem good, it’s not always good, or that it may be good & just truly not the best of timing... or something many may not like to hear, but be...

Dear Secret Keeper, Thank you. Right now, I’m listening to artist Lauryn Hill album, The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill where the song Zion is playing right now… It’s so dope. I was reminded from a movie I’d watched years ago ‘Disappearing Acts’ where Zora compared herself to Lauryn Hill getting pregnant at a late age, in the height of her career, ensuring her producer she would be ok. I’ve heard this song before, but now I understand that this is her song to her unborn child. What a beautiful song it is. Listening to this song and even thinking back to a girl at camp the other night, awing over her 1 year old son is very warming to my heart... I read a post somewhere, you can tell the character of a woman by the way she treats her children; I’d dare to add, people in general. The way a woman treats her children & others are a direct reflection of how she sees herself… I remember when I found out I was pregnant with Jordan. At the young age of 16, I remember the feeling I f...

"Jess, I'm thinking about coming down tonight instead of tomorrow for the funeral. I told my mom I'd be there tomorrow..." "You can come here and stay the night. You're good." "I'm leaving now & I'll be there in a bit." "Ok, be careful." I hear a knock at the door... "Come in." "What's up??" 'How you make it here so fast?" (He mumbled something) I could tell by the look on his face, he was exhausted... I'd never seen him like this.. he's usually full of life. Still sitting on the couch, laptop open, I watched as he undressed to his basketball shorts & white tee..  he came over, without saying a word, laid his head in my lap while stretching his legs out across the length of the couch. I sat there for a minute, not knowing what to do, so with my laptop now to my side, I continued to type. Within minutes, he'd fallen asleep, breathing softly into my tummy. The mom...

You what... you want me back... man, chill. You see, I waited.. I waited for you. I waited for you to quit fucking around with the other brawds. I waited for you to get your shit together. I waited for you knowing there was no changing in your behavior in sight. I heard your words, trust me & everything will be alright.. I trusted you alright. I told myself, hold it down while you get it together. The late night calls, random text, salty slugs from your tramps... I dismissed all that, just to show you I trusted you. To show you I loved you. A down ass bitch, that's what you wanted right? I am that down ass bitch. My loyalty could never be confused... only to a nigga who only knows loyalty from fuck niggas & brawds. This loyalty I have, I was born with it. It runs deep in my  veins. I knew something wasn't right when I couldn't find my rest around you. Real always recognize real. I guess that's what I get for trying to be one you wanted me to be instead of being ...

When I first saw you, I said “oh my, there’s my dream, that’s my dream” I needed a dream when it all seemed to go bad… ah, the beautiful voice of Jamie Foxx is playing in my ears now as I type... This is what came to mind when I saw you after so many years. I tried my best to play it cool… we sat on the couch and finished watching the last Episode of Empire, Season 3. I was eager to see both, since I’d missed the episode on my own time, yet I had you… finally had you at my side. A man I’d grown fond of since the 7 th grade. I continued to laugh at the entire situation because I knew the prayer I’d just prayed, not knowing you were on your way home… and here I was, sitting next to you. No paper, no glass window, no nothing… I could actually touch you again. Man, I was on cloud 9… I’m smiling now thinking about it. I’ve never met another man I actually desired to be with as much as I desired to be with you. Although, you never knew that because I have a funny way of letting ...

I was 16 years old when I birthed my daughter, who is now 12 soon to be 13 next month. I met her father when I was 15. I’d just moved back to my hometown, starting my sophomore year in high school. I was devastated. Before moving back home, I’d finally seen a glimpse of myself away from everything I knew while living in the big city of Dallas, TX. Like the caged bird never knowing what it was like to be free, I’d finally experienced that freedom. I was with my favorite aunt, had the cutest boyfriend (my Biscuit) and everything for me was just right… so I felt in my teenage eyes. So one summer when our home was broken into, it gave my mom the opportunity to finally go back to her safehaven… our hometown. I was devastated. Little did I know, my mom hated the city and was praying for a way to get back home. I could image her thoughts after she’d moved, asking herself why did she make this decision. We moved during my 8th grade year and although the transition was drastic, for some ...