Jessica S. Preston

Have you ever found yourself holding onto something that was no longer there... only you never realized it until now? This is me right now, and this letter was written in my personal journal and spoken aloud from my mouth. I am sharing this to others who may be experiencing something somewhat the same. Just simply replace my words and thoughts as your own. I love you and be blessed. Ever since Jordan was born or back up, was learned of to be expected, I placed my value in your hands. Depending upon whether or not you accepted & chose me or not. I wanted so long for you to choose me & eventually your daughter. To have & to hold & to cherish in that special place in your heart. Over & over you didn't choose me nor her. I placed my value as a woman & as a mother in your hands & even as a possible mate in your hands unknowingly. I thought that if only this or that, he would choose us. 12 years in the game, that day never came. The ties I have with yo...

Girl, what have you been up to? It's been too long... If you don't stop. It's been like two days... (laugh out loud) I know. It just seems like forever. Girl you are a mess! What's going on though. You got me out in this rain, and it's cold. We could've met at your house or something. Girl, you know I try to get out of the house as much as I can. Plus I wanted to sport my new necklace and jacket... why not now?? I did notice it mam. I was about to ask to borrow it, but since it's new... I'll let you make... for today anyhow. I will say though, that I love me some Olive Garden and I'm glad you got me out for a bit! Well... about that... girl to be honest, there's another reason I wanted to see you... Oh Lord... what happened now? Is everything ok? (Slides over phone) (Sigh) Correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't ya'll supposed to have a thing going on... I mean I know you mention him every once in a while, but by the looks of thin...

I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, 3 but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. Romans 12:1-2   Soooo! What a great way to turn a somewhat dreary morning around. When my alarm clock went off at 4:10am to get up for boot camp I hit the snooze button; not once but twice. The second time, alarms in me went off, knowing that if I didn’t get up I would either have to rush, I would be late, or the worst, I wasn’t going… It’s the first of January and I can’t already not show up. I already missed Monday just to get my hair done!!! After actually pulling back the covers, sitting on the side of the bed twice, I finally jumped up, deciding I was going and proceeded to put my workout clothes on, until I looked at the cl...

Last night I went out with a friend I met at my gym. We’d been planning a movie date for about 2-3 weeks now and finally took time to actually go. I must say that I thoroughly enjoyed myself. We were supposed to view Star Wars; a movie I know nothing about, but failed to get the tickets early & of course it was sold out. We opted to see the new movie Sisters instead. Very good movie with a story line that I’m sure many could relate to this time in day. One sister was the outgoing one with great gifts and talents, but her lifestyle and attitude was her biggest challenge. The other sister was the responsible and successful one who had her life together but always lived life with much caution. One scene the sisters was at their childhood home, in the room they shared taking turns reading their diaries. During this time, the cautious sister realized how she’d always lived life on the sideline, doing all the right things but missing out on actually living and enjoying life. Well if ...

This morning on the way to drop Jordan off at school, she was like can you turn on some music... So I was like yea, but we need to start listening to some better tunes, like gospel or something more uplifting. So she said, well put on that Happy song, and I was like good choice. I played Wanna Be Happy by Kirk Franklin all the way to work and allowed it to minister to my spirit. What a perfect song it was for me this morning after what I would call a small devotion .   What a freeing feeling I had this morning. So over the past few days I’ve gotten determined that I must make a change, like foreal. I began reading the book Attitudinize and I also chose another book from my shelf called So Long Insecurity by Beth Moore. I’ve had this book for about a year now… well I just looked at the receipt and it’s been over a year. Anywho, when I bought the book I bought it with about 4 other books. Some women buy shoes and purses, I buy food, journals and books; lots of them. So after I ...

I was just thinking about something... I've noticed that I've been settling for scraps… I want to say that it’s all because I am afraid of expecting something from someone that I may not receive. Then too it may be that I’m not sure of my worth or if I deserve what it is that I desire. Over time, I've learned to accept people for who they are, where they are, excusing what would normally be inexcusable behavior; thinking I’m not perfect so don’t expect perfection from someone else... that’s the perfect excuse right? I mean, I’m not knocking any of the things I tell myself or hear other women saying, because I know that everyone has something going on. But when it comes down to relationships I just noticed that there are some things that I've been exposed to & have become used to that I don’t require when it comes to being in a relationship. I didn't grow up in the same house as my dad, but I was always with him as a young girl well into my adult years. Ther...

For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland. Isaiah 43:19   Last night I went to bed with a few things on my mind. A few things that I knew I had to come to grips with. I desire change in my life... One thing I noticed though, was that I was praying for change but I continued to do things that went against the change I desired; anndddd I knew I was doing it... When I find myself in those situations I have to sit  and have an honest talk with the Lord, and express to Him my sincere thoughts... we all know that God is gracious and compassionate but we also know not to frustrate his Grace. I love the way He allows us time to see the error in our ways and then allows us time to correct some things before He steps in. So this cold, wet morning after peeling myself out of my bed at 4am to show up for my 5am bootcamp many issues continued to press...