Jessica S. Preston

We've all found ourselves searching at some point in life... but what is it we're actually searching for? It may not be that I actually have a real desire to marry. It could be that the real question I'm desiring to be fulfilled is, do I matter? How much could be saved if I actually addressed the real question? That question... does anyone want me? Maybe this job will fill this void... maybe setting a goal to climb to the top of the ladder &&& finally, once I do it the void will be filled. Maybe if I go to school, make passing grades, hopefully all A's, maintaining one of the highest GPA's just possibly this will fill the void... this emptiness inside of me speaks so loud. Let me move to a new place & just start all over... yea, that'll do it. Man, I was on a high for a great while, but why am I feeling empty again. Let me go out to eat... again. Good food always cheer me up... I know it... I need to do something else... what else can I do... ...

Dear Secret Keeper, I am coming to you probably like I’ve never come to you before. I would like a new chance to start again. If not to start again, I would like to move forward from where I am now. For so long I’ve had my focus on so many things I felt I wanted… some for my benefit and some just because. Either way, I know that I’m not where I want to be in life. I’ve made many strides but none that speaks to the heart of who I am. Then again, you’ve blessed me so well, I’ve missed you in the opportunities presented, leaving me constantly grasping for more to make the most of the “next” opportunity. You have blessed me so well over the years, but I’ve overlooked them seeking more, trying to fill a void that I created because of my lack of this or that. All the while in my ungratefulness you continued to bless me. You continued to fill my cup to overflowing. Even now, my cup looks empty yet it’s still overflowing… or is it just stopped up at the moment? This is what I mean by I ...

Tell Your Heart to Beat Again by Danny Gokey Father, I’ve been in a mode of survival for a while now and it’s been taking place way before I stepped out to move on my own. It goes deeper than me just surviving monthly bills and having a job, maintaining a consistent schedule. I’ve been surviving life, getting by the best way that I know how. Protecting myself from pain, rejection, loneliness, from myself, only later to protect Jordan from myself. Not knowing that I was taking myself away from everything, leaving me to only thrive off of my own milk… receiving nutrients of darkness. One day I began to see myself as a monster. I began to look at myself in such a dark light, I’ve made an attempt to shun myself from any light, feeling I was unworthy. Father well the truth is, I am unworthy yet you still tell me that you have come so that we may have life and have it all the more. You have given us greatness on earth and an even greater life with you in He...

I'm reminded of a dream a friend shared with me back in December...   One day I was scrolling through IG and saw a pic of a beautiful wedding cake that reminded me of a dream I had the night before. In the dream was actually a small glimpse of me in a wedding dress. So, thinking nothing much of it, I reposted the photo captioning it “I had a dream I was in a wedding dress last night. Not sure who the guy was crazy enough to marry me but this cake is beautiful."   So, later that evening, I received a text saying, I need to talk to you, I'll call you in a few. So like a little kid I’m like ok, anxiously awaiting to hear what she had to say. Well a week went by and I texted her saying what did you need to talk about? She responded, I'll call you later this week.  Finally she called. She went on to explain that she’d had a dream about me & a special someone, preparing for our special day. I call...

I saw a post yesterday that read, I used to be the person who walked in the room & wondered if anyone liked me, now I walk in wondering if I like anyone... Well the 1st part of that was true, the second part was true to an extent. I wondered if you liked me, then let that determine whether I liked you. When in reality I did like you, but couldn't understand why I couldn't fit in with you. Why didn't you treat me like you treated the rest? Why did I have to feel like the outcast or the oddball out. It wasn't until later, I realized that I was never created to fit in. Yea, we hear people say this alot... but to actually understand the depth of this saying is truly the beginning of understanding the beauty of who you are. As children, we long to be loved by our parents, relatives and close friends. Once that connection is established (or not) then as we grow, we seek an extended love… school friends, boyfriends or girlfriends. Then as we continue to mature into ad...

This morning as I was undressing to get into the shower after a great workout, I tossed aside the shirt I was wearing, noticing the wording but not wanting to look at the wording. The words on the shirt represented something that had started in my heart back in 2012 that I hadn't touched since the summer of 2014. Just as quickly as I tossed the shirt aside, the knowing was there for me to deal with it. I'm thinking to myself, I can't afford to take my mind there right now. I just got from boot camp, let me just enjoy the positive energy for now. As soon as I stepped into the shower, I began to pour my heart out. God this is the truth. As much as I wanted to speak as if I was telling my truth to another human being & cover up, I couldn't. The words hurt as I spoke them, buy I had to continue. I ended by saying I just don't know what to do about it, because it hurt me... It’s funny how God responds. I stayed up late last night baking for teacher’s appre...

Today I decided I wanted something more, so I'm breaking up with you.  Now, I can honestly say that I am a Ride or Die chic. I didn't realize it until now... I realized that I've rode with you thru thick & thin, to the point I was willing to die for the risk of losing you. You were my comfort when no one else was there. You were the one I ran to because your arms were always open, welcoming me. You bottled each tear that ever fell from my face, every word spoken out of disbelief or frustration. You cradled me tight... at night... on those lonely nights I climbed in your arms while you made love to me oh so sweetly. Speaking all the right words I needed to hear to rock me gently to sleep.  Gently to sleep you rocked me. With each  gently stroke of your beautiful words, I drifted deeper to sleep until I no longer desired anything more than your sweet touch & your beautiful, soft words kissing me in all the right places... i craved your touch & your voice......