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Trickles of Water...


So I must say that this weekend was a much needed blessing and in disguise might I add. When I say in disguise, I really mean that I didn’t see it coming. I really wasn’t expecting it. I knew that I would be going home and speaking as a panel guest at Ultimate Connections Annual Girl Talk “Girl I Like Your Style”. The Blessing that came with it was amazing.

Honestly speaking the last few times I visited home, it hasn’t been so pleasant. I was always in some type of disarray for whatever the reason and I wouldn’t enjoy it… I can remember before leaving my home the night before, some thought came in my mind, and immediately following the thought I said aloud, “I’m not mad anymore”. Didn’t really know why of all things, I said that but, I just said I’m not mad anymore… Well I take that back, I do know why I said it. After learning a few things with my brother, I saw how his words and actions hurt another person, and I saw myself. I wondered, is that what I’m like? After giving it some thought, I just came to the conclusion that I’m not upset anymore. Whatever I was upset with, being mad, simply requires too much energy.

It’s amazing that when we do something, we don’t see the effects of it, but when others do the same thing, it’s like they blew up the city. So, I guess you can say, I took a look at the woman in the mirror. I didn’t know the impact of those words, but I know that there was something that I didn’t feel when I went home and that was anger. To be honest I felt lighter than before. Nothing had changed on the outside, but I was lighter and wasn’t as heavy.

At the time, I still hadn’t realized what had taken place, but Sunday I expressed to my mom what a good feeling it was to be home and seeing everyone. It was a breath of fresh air when I saw my brother and it was a breath of fresh air to see the mood of my daughter lighten when she was back in her space at my moms home. She was at ease. Ever since the move, she has been tense and unsure of her environment and it is up to me to help her feel at ease and at peace. She is adjusting well, but definitely, there are still more adjustments to be made. Keep in mind, I picked her up and moved her out of her comfort zone and asked her to be ok with that.

I remember when speaking at the event, it may have seemed to others that I was crying and I may have been but to me it just felt as if my eyes were watering & would not stop… for some strange reason, later after taking another look at things, I felt that the topic I’d spoken on opened up a fountain to a well of water. Only thing was, the trickles of water is what let me know that I’d hit something… I didn’t know that the topic was so deep in my heart, until it came out of my mouth… Leading up to the event and even as I sat on the panel listening to the others, I didn’t know what was going to come out of my mouth. When I grabbed the mic, the words just spilled over…

I’m not sure what else is to come, but I definitely know that something happened and I am for sure that it was not just in me. The tears flowing from the other women’s faces let me know that something burst open and it won’t be able to stop flowing after this…

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