Jessica S. Preston

We've all found ourselves searching at some point in life... but what is it we're actually searching for? It may not be that I actually have a real desire to marry. It could be that the real question I'm desiring to be fulfilled is, do I matter? How much could be saved if I actually addressed the real question? That question... does anyone want me? Maybe this job will fill this void... maybe setting a goal to climb to the top of the ladder &&& finally, once I do it the void will be filled. Maybe if I go to school, make passing grades, hopefully all A's, maintaining one of the highest GPA's just possibly this will fill the void... this emptiness inside of me speaks so loud. Let me move to a new place & just start all over... yea, that'll do it. Man, I was on a high for a great while, but why am I feeling empty again. Let me go out to eat... again. Good food always cheer me up... I know it... I need to do something else... what else can I do... ...

Dear Secret Keeper, I am coming to you probably like I’ve never come to you before. I would like a new chance to start again. If not to start again, I would like to move forward from where I am now. For so long I’ve had my focus on so many things I felt I wanted… some for my benefit and some just because. Either way, I know that I’m not where I want to be in life. I’ve made many strides but none that speaks to the heart of who I am. Then again, you’ve blessed me so well, I’ve missed you in the opportunities presented, leaving me constantly grasping for more to make the most of the “next” opportunity. You have blessed me so well over the years, but I’ve overlooked them seeking more, trying to fill a void that I created because of my lack of this or that. All the while in my ungratefulness you continued to bless me. You continued to fill my cup to overflowing. Even now, my cup looks empty yet it’s still overflowing… or is it just stopped up at the moment? This is what I mean by I ...