Not So Easy Confronting Fears ...

I once heard a story, I’m sure many will be able to relate to in some way. There was a young man who had the privilege of walking to and from school. Everything was ok, up until he would reach a certain point. Each time he would reach this certain corner he absolutely had to pass by in order to get to his house, he would reach this scary dog. This dog would bark and growl showing all his sharp teeth letting the little boy know what to expect if he were to come any closer. Each time it came for the boy to reach this certain corner, he would fear his life and take out running another way and take a longer route home. This took place day after day, until one day the boy changed his mind.

One day the young boy made up in his mind that he was no longer going to run from this scary dog who it seems to have made it a point to terrorize him each day. On his way home from school, the young boy made it to the corner, ready to make the turn to his home. He stopped and saw the dog. As usual, the dog barked, growled showing those scary sharp teeth. This time instead of running away, the young boy continued to walk straight ahead. The young boy was still very afraid to walk in the dogs’ direction but he knew he had to face it.

The young boy was stunned as he made his way down the street that the dog vacated. The dog was barking, growling and showing those scary teeth. The dog seemed to have grown angrier as the boy came closer. As the young boy grew closer on the route passing the dog, he noticed something. This dog who was making this huge fuss, that he’d ran from all this time, was tied to a leash and could only go so far. The young boy, although still stunned, the dog still barking, realized that he’d taken the long way home for no reason. This intimidating dog who placed such fear in him, was on a leash. The leash allowed the dog to go only so far in the yard. So of course, this young man no longer saw the dog as a threat to him. He knew he could walk past the dog and not be afraid anymore.

I have been listening to Zig Ziglar regarding Goal Setting. How will we ever accomplish anything if we never set a goal? So after listening, and allowing his words to soak in, I made it a point that I would sit down over a few evenings and write down my goals; short-term and long-term. I began to write, and only got so far, which was expected. Something did happen that I wasn’t expecting. The next day I tried to go back to continue the process, I kept hearing all this clutter in my head. The clutter was full of negative thoughts & voices just running rapid in my head. I mean every other thought was something crazy negative.

I decided to do something out of the ordinary. Every negative thought that came to mind, I decided not to ignore. Instead I decided to write them down; each one. They were some really ugly thoughts too. If they weren’t so ugly, I would jot them down here… To be honest, I was a bit down when I began to write the thoughts. After my third index card, front and back (four total), I was no longer down. I wasn’t liberated, but I wasn’t down either. It was a weird feeling that I was unsure of what or how to think about it. I sat the cards down, and went about my normal evening routine. The next morning, the opening story came to mind.

I’ve heard that you will never be able to resolve what you will not confront. Just like the young boy who one day made up his mind that he would not run from the dog any longer but face him, I too had to face what was barking and growling at me. Initially I thought that I would have a memorial service for the thoughts on the index card. You know how people say that I took the papers outside and burned or ripped them up. Not saying that it doesn't work, but I knew this time, that would not be enough. I must say that I’ve already received the next instructions for what's written on the index cards. Those instructions are to go back and respond to them. How much time this will take, I'm not sure.

Me, I never respond to negative things the way one should. I absolutely hate fights, arguing, or any other form of hostile confrontation whether it’s with me or anyone else. I always felt that when you respond to negativity like that, no one wins. It’s just another grudge or ill animosity held against another person. Plus I always have the thought, what if someone gets really hurt... and I'm not necessarily speaking of myself. Little did I know, was that by me not confronting the issues at hand, I was allowing negativity to rest in me instead of putting it in its place.

I have decided that I am tired of carrying this extra stress around because it leaks out in strange places. Carrying around unnecessary stress, I do believe cause sickness and I do not have time to be sick in any way. This extra unnecessary weight causes me not to live to at my fullest potential. I am the type of person, that when something is out of place, I must get that one thing in order before I can move on to the next. It was really interesting watching me clean my room when I was younger. It would be a mess, but when I finished, everything was in it's place...

I've reached a point to where things are not as simple, and every mess, I won't be able to clean up all on my own. Some messes, I had help creating them, or little did I know, it was there before I got there. So there's no way I know where to put it, except to look up to the Master fixer of messy things.

Prayer:

Father when Joshua was going into new territory, you reminded him that you called him and commanded him to be strong and courageous. You know root of my insecurities. You know my darkest secret yet that doesn’t stop you. Above all, you know the plans that you have for my life and that, that you called will produce a harvest. I believe your word is true. Help me to know it’s true for me also.